Last night at the home church I've been attending, the topic was on prayer. It's no coincidence that everywhere I turn, prayer seems to be a focus- at my other church they're doing a prayer night, I've been praying for some friends who just found out they're expecting after a long time of not expecting, that sort of thing.
Yesterday, I didn't participate much but decided mostly to listen. Prayer doesn't come easily to me and although I would say I am living more prayerfully in some ways, in others I just don't take the time to praise, or just to listen.
A song came to mind that I first heard of from a friend (thanks, Chrystal) and I found it on my music player for my bike ride to work- What Do I Know of Holy by Addison Road. If you haven't heard this song, it's worth looking up, because for me, anyways, it expresses some of what I keep coming back to and don't always have the words to express.
On another note, I had a really tough commute into work this morning due to biking straight into the wind pretty well the whole way. My quads were burning and I was barely moving, and, to make matters worse, a block before work, I had a very near collision with a car that was turning left. Newsflash: as a cyclist it's practically impossible to stop on a dime on wet pavement. Kindly try not to kill me over it. You'll get to where you're going soon enough and probably won't notice the two second delay to your drive, it probably won't ruin your day to drive defensively and it would sure make mine better too. It was a close call and I think my eyeballs were wide open the whole rest of the way down the hill and my heart was going crazy fast. Not my idea of a fun time.
I guess I was thinking of that in relation to prayer- how it can feel like pedaling into the wind and not really getting anywhere, or how close calls can really make you appreciate what you have, once your heartbeat returns to the semi-normal range, heheh. It's funny how something like biking to work turns my mind more to talking to God more often than usual. That can only be a good thing, right?
Now maybe I should work on my cyclist road-rage...
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
I'm baaack in the blogosphere!
Okay, I wasn't gone that long, I know:) I just felt like making a scene there.
I've been pondering what sort of meaningful words to write, since I usually ramble quite a lot, but a reasonable stream of thought seems to be escaping me still. My theory is that I've been living more fully the last while and that, for some reason, makes it more difficult to just write, particularly when it comes to my manuscript (if I can even call it that, I keep chopping it up abysmally). Does that make any sense? I hope it won't last too long, but there you have it.
In the last year or two, I wrote a lot- poetry, journalling, whatever- because I really needed that outlet and way of expressing myself, even if no one would ever see it. To be honest, the last year and a half or so have been somewhat miserable, and I can't trace this to one particular thing except for the throes of growing up, I suppose. Figuring myself out and all that. Learning to stand up for myself in the workplace, understanding what's important to me and why. As I write that, I feel like I'm still fifteen and I don't particularly care to go back there, but that feeling of continually growing into something and striving in life hangs over me from time to time.
In other ways, it's been a reevaluating of relationships- family and friends. With this, I've experienced some loss- friends and family moving away or simply being less present in my life and I in theirs. Not a fan of change particularly, I grappled with this and had to come to terms with the inevitability of these sort of events. I mean, it's going to keep happening, and wallowing about it solves nothing. Plus I don't like to let myself wallow for very long.
So. This wasn't meant to be one of those self-reflecting *yawn* posts. It's just that the last few weeks and even months have caused me to reevaluate, and appreciate more greatly the wonderful people that are in my life. Visiting home and seeing some really dear friends has done wonders for my spirit, although family time is never too quiet:) Recent events have been showing me that I am so blessed and wouldn't wish my life to be anything other than what it is, right now. How often can I say that in all honesty? Sure, I'm generally an optimist, but as finite humans don't we always want other circumstances and realities?
It's a sudden surprise to find myself truly happy. My heart is full, and I can't stop thanking God for the story He's writing and weaving me into. Yes, there's pain in life and I'm never great at confronting it, but in this season I am so thankful, and I wanted to say that in this blog. Like anything, I think that in some questions being addressed, more questions are raised, but that doesn't seem so threatening right now for some reason. Mind you, I haven't started courses yet this year (harhar), so maybe check in later! Really, though, I think the hard lessons I've been learning certainly have been deepening my faith, somehow, and equipping me for what I was to experience, although little did I suspect. I do hear of that happening but, as of late, couldn't really trace it in my own life. Until now.
Joy. It's not something I intend to take for granted.
I've been pondering what sort of meaningful words to write, since I usually ramble quite a lot, but a reasonable stream of thought seems to be escaping me still. My theory is that I've been living more fully the last while and that, for some reason, makes it more difficult to just write, particularly when it comes to my manuscript (if I can even call it that, I keep chopping it up abysmally). Does that make any sense? I hope it won't last too long, but there you have it.
In the last year or two, I wrote a lot- poetry, journalling, whatever- because I really needed that outlet and way of expressing myself, even if no one would ever see it. To be honest, the last year and a half or so have been somewhat miserable, and I can't trace this to one particular thing except for the throes of growing up, I suppose. Figuring myself out and all that. Learning to stand up for myself in the workplace, understanding what's important to me and why. As I write that, I feel like I'm still fifteen and I don't particularly care to go back there, but that feeling of continually growing into something and striving in life hangs over me from time to time.
In other ways, it's been a reevaluating of relationships- family and friends. With this, I've experienced some loss- friends and family moving away or simply being less present in my life and I in theirs. Not a fan of change particularly, I grappled with this and had to come to terms with the inevitability of these sort of events. I mean, it's going to keep happening, and wallowing about it solves nothing. Plus I don't like to let myself wallow for very long.
So. This wasn't meant to be one of those self-reflecting *yawn* posts. It's just that the last few weeks and even months have caused me to reevaluate, and appreciate more greatly the wonderful people that are in my life. Visiting home and seeing some really dear friends has done wonders for my spirit, although family time is never too quiet:) Recent events have been showing me that I am so blessed and wouldn't wish my life to be anything other than what it is, right now. How often can I say that in all honesty? Sure, I'm generally an optimist, but as finite humans don't we always want other circumstances and realities?
It's a sudden surprise to find myself truly happy. My heart is full, and I can't stop thanking God for the story He's writing and weaving me into. Yes, there's pain in life and I'm never great at confronting it, but in this season I am so thankful, and I wanted to say that in this blog. Like anything, I think that in some questions being addressed, more questions are raised, but that doesn't seem so threatening right now for some reason. Mind you, I haven't started courses yet this year (harhar), so maybe check in later! Really, though, I think the hard lessons I've been learning certainly have been deepening my faith, somehow, and equipping me for what I was to experience, although little did I suspect. I do hear of that happening but, as of late, couldn't really trace it in my own life. Until now.
Joy. It's not something I intend to take for granted.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
A beauteous wedding and some sibling time
This past Sunday, I had the privilege of attending the wedding of my high school friend Amanda to Keith. They made a sweet, beaming couple and it was a lovely mix of idyllic country setting, beauty and laid-back-ness. Held at a sugar camp, it was close to home but I'd never been to it. Amanda asked me to do a reading and it was great to be a part of it in that way. The officiant was my old pastor at the Baptist church back in the day. For a while, he came over every Sunday after church for lunch with my Opa as well. It was such an interesting mix- this soft-spoken, humourous Irish pastor conversing with my loud, outspoken grandfather. I digress- let's get back to the photos.
As you can see, it was quite a solemn affair.
The bridesmaids, Courtney and Mandy, all friends with Amanda since elementary school.
I was quite taken with this chandelier and interior of this building.
The superb bride and I
A good many of us.
We were going a little stir-crazy so I proposed a walk/hike down the back roads after it rained. Jon came home so that was pretty great- I got Naomi and Mathieu from Ottawa when I went, and we spent a bit of time together.
Some thistles by the side of the road. Alas, this is the best my camera could do.
As usual, the long weekend I took passed by quite quickly, but I took Ruth out for her birthday for lunch, joined my family at some friends' cottage for an afternoon, and spent most of Saturday in Ottawa. I neglected to get any photos, but had a wonderful visit with my friends Chant and Nat and spent some time with Chant's quickly-growing boys, and got to see Nat before her baby comes. I'm blessed to get together with these girls when I'm home, at least once a year anyway. Thanks for the visit!
Following that, I headed to my friend Laura's place. She's a resident at CHEO now, and it's fun that I will get to visit her when I'm seeing my family too. Her condo is so homey and her study is pretty awesome. We went used-book shopping and I picked up Carrie's War. That evening, we attended an open-air production of Antony and Cleopatra at a park, put on by A Company of Fools, where Mathieu and Naomi joined us. It was a humourous take on the play and we enjoyed it.
That about sums up my time. It was pretty sweet to get an earful of the Lanark County accent at the wedding; it's not often I'm treated to those sounds and it's quite distinct if you come across it. They say the Ottawa Valley is one of the distinctive accents of Canada, up there with Newfoundland and I forget where else.
I'm off for a few days and I'm sure I'll have more to post soon.
~Later!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
The countdown is on...
...until my vacation, woo hoo! That's what I'm focusing on, since these days, my job is making me mental. But that's okay, because....in exactly two days I will be about half of the way to my family's house, in a rental car, most likely singing loudly and amazingly the whole way home along with the music. Okay, amazingly could be a stretch, but no one will ever know, since I have no passenger, heheh. I really was hoping that my little sister could come visit me and then I could drive her home, but as it turns out I would have had no time to entertain her since I've been working like a madwoman. Plus, she has a summer job and I don't think can take the time off- when did my little sister graduate high school and become all grown up? Seriously?! She's burning past the milestones- prom, soon graduation, and applying for university next year- it's hard to believe.
The day I get home is the day after her birthday, so I'm hoping to do something fun with her while I'm home. It's a short time, but I plan to pack in a lot- visiting my friends Chantal and Nathalie on the weekend and my friend Laura who recently moved to Ottawa, shopping for a wedding present...for the wedding I'm attending two days later, heheh...kicking a soccer ball around with my brothers or some such thing. Oh, and the wedding at the sugar camp. I'm excited! My previous boss at a local restaurant there is catering, from what I hear, so that promises to be tasty. I'm all about the kind of food at weddings:) She is a tremendous cook. It'll be great to see the girls again, my highschool friends that I've kept in touch with. We try to get together once or twice a year and that has been great.
Hopefully I'll get together with my sister Naomi, too, who's also in Ottawa. It's weird now that when I go to visit, some of my family is around and some is not since many have moved out and I don't usually get to see them all. I'm looking forward to sleeping in, having some deliciously dark coffee the way my dad makes it, and plunking away at the piano with the few songs I know:) I'm raising the bar high for this vacation, wouldn't you say?
Anyways, after that, I'm coming back to London where I'll get to visit with a certain friend so that will be loads of fun. I'm hoping for sunny weather that week so that it will be favourable to spending lots of time outside!
All in all, I'm counting eleven days from when I leave till when I have to be back at my desk, so no complaints here! : )
On another note, all this biking to work makes me incredibly hungry- I used to eat breakfast on my first break at work, now I have to have something at home, when I first get to work, and all day it seems like, hahah. Fine by me, though:) It reminds me of a scenario that often got repeated when Liz and I lived together:
Liz (arriving home, or waking up before her shift): "Man, I am ravishing!"
Me: "I'm glad you have such a high opinion of yourself."
Liz: "Auugghh, I mean 'ravenous!'"
Haha. One of my favourite Elizabeth-isms.
On the weekend, working for my friend at the market, I got paid in food and am enjoying a rather interesting salad. Living kale, broccoli sprouts, blueberries and grape tomatoes- all organic, all local. What a treat. Mind you, the flavour combination is a little odd- bitter, peppery, sweet, tart- but it's delicious all the same:)
It's hard to believe school is so soon and I've so much to do before then. However, I intend to fully enjoy my time off and the time spent with wonderful people:)
Later, 'gator!
The day I get home is the day after her birthday, so I'm hoping to do something fun with her while I'm home. It's a short time, but I plan to pack in a lot- visiting my friends Chantal and Nathalie on the weekend and my friend Laura who recently moved to Ottawa, shopping for a wedding present...for the wedding I'm attending two days later, heheh...kicking a soccer ball around with my brothers or some such thing. Oh, and the wedding at the sugar camp. I'm excited! My previous boss at a local restaurant there is catering, from what I hear, so that promises to be tasty. I'm all about the kind of food at weddings:) She is a tremendous cook. It'll be great to see the girls again, my highschool friends that I've kept in touch with. We try to get together once or twice a year and that has been great.
Hopefully I'll get together with my sister Naomi, too, who's also in Ottawa. It's weird now that when I go to visit, some of my family is around and some is not since many have moved out and I don't usually get to see them all. I'm looking forward to sleeping in, having some deliciously dark coffee the way my dad makes it, and plunking away at the piano with the few songs I know:) I'm raising the bar high for this vacation, wouldn't you say?
Anyways, after that, I'm coming back to London where I'll get to visit with a certain friend so that will be loads of fun. I'm hoping for sunny weather that week so that it will be favourable to spending lots of time outside!
All in all, I'm counting eleven days from when I leave till when I have to be back at my desk, so no complaints here! : )
On another note, all this biking to work makes me incredibly hungry- I used to eat breakfast on my first break at work, now I have to have something at home, when I first get to work, and all day it seems like, hahah. Fine by me, though:) It reminds me of a scenario that often got repeated when Liz and I lived together:
Liz (arriving home, or waking up before her shift): "Man, I am ravishing!"
Me: "I'm glad you have such a high opinion of yourself."
Liz: "Auugghh, I mean 'ravenous!'"
Haha. One of my favourite Elizabeth-isms.
On the weekend, working for my friend at the market, I got paid in food and am enjoying a rather interesting salad. Living kale, broccoli sprouts, blueberries and grape tomatoes- all organic, all local. What a treat. Mind you, the flavour combination is a little odd- bitter, peppery, sweet, tart- but it's delicious all the same:)
It's hard to believe school is so soon and I've so much to do before then. However, I intend to fully enjoy my time off and the time spent with wonderful people:)
Later, 'gator!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
"Ouf"
It's my favourite word these days- I supposed because it can be used to express a number of emotions in one reaction. I'm borrowing it from all the French comic books I've ever read, heheh.
Speaking of French comic books, has anyone seen the Smurfs movie? I can't decide if I will see it because it should have been made in French, let's be honest ;) and it's not set in the forest with the little huts. Haha. That's not really why.
it's one of those days.
Today, I biked to work in the pouring rain and alas, once at work, deteriorated quickly into a grump. I hate getting all damp and chilled and now I'm trying to inconspicuously dry my wet clothes at an empty desk. Here's hoping they dry before home-time.
Unlike a certain cycling-in-the-rain enthusiast, I can't say I care for it. I don't mind actually riding in the rain, it's getting to my destination looking like a drowned rat and not feeling much better that bothers me, particularly when I'm expected to look somewhat presentable. In other news, I forgot to cover my bike seat till it was soaked, sheesh. Plus I burnt my tongue on my coffee.
I could use some tea and a pair of socks.
Work is overwhelming at the moment- being in an industry that is heavily affected by recent market upheavals will do that. It means I'm a little short on patience but I'm working on it, I promise:) Trying to be understanding with people takes more of an effort when everyone and their mother has multiple questions and there's no chance to breathe all day long.
But anyways- everything is not all about me and I'm done complaining now. There's more to life and I don't want to waste my time wishing things were otherwise. (I say that because it's too easy to do, some days.)
I've recently re-discovered a certain author and in particular, a favourite childhood book. A few years ago, my family purged their bookshelves and got rid of a ton of books because of their sheer number all over the house, probably. Admittedly, I'm still a little bitter that I wasn't consulted, being the book-lover of the family, and I don't like to think of the favourites that are irreplaceable or old that I may not see again.
One of these was Many Moons, by James Thurber. I found this at my local library and was unabashedly delighted- one of the best fairytale-type books ever but in a simple, prosaic way, if that makes any sense. It's made even better by illustrations by Louis Slobodkin- awesome.
Of course, I snatched up another book by him at the library that I had not read, called 13 Clocks- a rather curious read but irresistible as well.
Maybe it's a little odd that some of my favourites are from my dad's childhood or before, but I think that's what you get with a primary schoolteacher for a dad, one who brings home his favourites. Anyways, I have no problem with it, all it means is that I get a lot of blank stares when I mention books that people should read. (Or borrow for their kids.) While picking blueberries with my friends, I reminded them of Blueberries for Sal, but they hadn't heard of it (tsk, tsk), so I may have to get a copy for their daughter when she's able to read :) Mind you, it was probably written in the fifties as well...here we go again...heheh.
Okay, I'll stop rambling about miscellaneous children's books. I'm not even sure if anyone who reads this would be interested by that, so I may just be humouring myself and alienating all of you, heheh ;) Hope not. I'll tone it down for the next post, I promise.
One more thing about the "ouf!" is that it's been a week (or two, or three) of craziness but it will even out - maybe? I got a response from a part-time job I really was hoping for and it didn't happen the way I'd hoped. I've been emotionally drained by what my friends are going through. I got cleated in soccer, got a big bruise in soccer and could barely move my arm after ball hockey- but again, I can move, I can jump, I can collide into people- life is good!
Now, to get through the rest of the day so I can put my damp clothes back on and bike to church. Looking forward to it!
Thanks for your patience in reading, if you've made it this far :) Ciao!
Speaking of French comic books, has anyone seen the Smurfs movie? I can't decide if I will see it because it should have been made in French, let's be honest ;) and it's not set in the forest with the little huts. Haha. That's not really why.
it's one of those days.
Today, I biked to work in the pouring rain and alas, once at work, deteriorated quickly into a grump. I hate getting all damp and chilled and now I'm trying to inconspicuously dry my wet clothes at an empty desk. Here's hoping they dry before home-time.
Unlike a certain cycling-in-the-rain enthusiast, I can't say I care for it. I don't mind actually riding in the rain, it's getting to my destination looking like a drowned rat and not feeling much better that bothers me, particularly when I'm expected to look somewhat presentable. In other news, I forgot to cover my bike seat till it was soaked, sheesh. Plus I burnt my tongue on my coffee.
I could use some tea and a pair of socks.
Work is overwhelming at the moment- being in an industry that is heavily affected by recent market upheavals will do that. It means I'm a little short on patience but I'm working on it, I promise:) Trying to be understanding with people takes more of an effort when everyone and their mother has multiple questions and there's no chance to breathe all day long.
But anyways- everything is not all about me and I'm done complaining now. There's more to life and I don't want to waste my time wishing things were otherwise. (I say that because it's too easy to do, some days.)
I've recently re-discovered a certain author and in particular, a favourite childhood book. A few years ago, my family purged their bookshelves and got rid of a ton of books because of their sheer number all over the house, probably. Admittedly, I'm still a little bitter that I wasn't consulted, being the book-lover of the family, and I don't like to think of the favourites that are irreplaceable or old that I may not see again.
One of these was Many Moons, by James Thurber. I found this at my local library and was unabashedly delighted- one of the best fairytale-type books ever but in a simple, prosaic way, if that makes any sense. It's made even better by illustrations by Louis Slobodkin- awesome.
Of course, I snatched up another book by him at the library that I had not read, called 13 Clocks- a rather curious read but irresistible as well.
Maybe it's a little odd that some of my favourites are from my dad's childhood or before, but I think that's what you get with a primary schoolteacher for a dad, one who brings home his favourites. Anyways, I have no problem with it, all it means is that I get a lot of blank stares when I mention books that people should read. (Or borrow for their kids.) While picking blueberries with my friends, I reminded them of Blueberries for Sal, but they hadn't heard of it (tsk, tsk), so I may have to get a copy for their daughter when she's able to read :) Mind you, it was probably written in the fifties as well...here we go again...heheh.
Okay, I'll stop rambling about miscellaneous children's books. I'm not even sure if anyone who reads this would be interested by that, so I may just be humouring myself and alienating all of you, heheh ;) Hope not. I'll tone it down for the next post, I promise.
One more thing about the "ouf!" is that it's been a week (or two, or three) of craziness but it will even out - maybe? I got a response from a part-time job I really was hoping for and it didn't happen the way I'd hoped. I've been emotionally drained by what my friends are going through. I got cleated in soccer, got a big bruise in soccer and could barely move my arm after ball hockey- but again, I can move, I can jump, I can collide into people- life is good!
Now, to get through the rest of the day so I can put my damp clothes back on and bike to church. Looking forward to it!
Thanks for your patience in reading, if you've made it this far :) Ciao!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Happy things
1) The sound of feet walking in Birkenstocks- it's beautiful. I indulged my inner granola and bought a pair and the sound they make is like hushed happiness. Whatever that means :)
2) There's an ice cream truck outside my work today, no joke. Everyone gets an ice cream, so I have a twist cone sitting on my desk and it's making me smile.
3) Home church-type-thing last night was particularly thought-provoking and encouraging at the same time. I love those people and they love me back, and I know community is so much more than just liking the people you get along with, but it sure is great.
4) Home-made iced tea. I'm pretty good at it ;)
5) My neighbour's amazing flowers. He has such a knack with plants and it always looks gorgeous when I walk by each day and I look forward to walking by.
6) The gift of mobility. Despite my wish to be graceful and poised and be good at dancing, I'm still glad to get out there on the field and play whatever sports are going (mainly soccer since it's the only one I can understand, haha.) Unfortunately I'm not great at sports requiring gracefulness and coordination but it's pretty important for me to be able to move around, as evidenced by my mood when I get injured for long periods of time, yech. Movement makes me happy.
In spite of the ups and downs of late, there's so much that I can miss in worrying or trying to get things down. It sure helps when I slow down and take time to smell the flowers. Literally. I don't know what kinds they are but they're as tall as me and they smell pretty :)
It's 30-something degrees and tonight is ultimate, oof, that's gonna be interesting! Maybe we'll win or get the game done really quickly, that would be nice.
Later, 'gators.
2) There's an ice cream truck outside my work today, no joke. Everyone gets an ice cream, so I have a twist cone sitting on my desk and it's making me smile.
3) Home church-type-thing last night was particularly thought-provoking and encouraging at the same time. I love those people and they love me back, and I know community is so much more than just liking the people you get along with, but it sure is great.
4) Home-made iced tea. I'm pretty good at it ;)
5) My neighbour's amazing flowers. He has such a knack with plants and it always looks gorgeous when I walk by each day and I look forward to walking by.
6) The gift of mobility. Despite my wish to be graceful and poised and be good at dancing, I'm still glad to get out there on the field and play whatever sports are going (mainly soccer since it's the only one I can understand, haha.) Unfortunately I'm not great at sports requiring gracefulness and coordination but it's pretty important for me to be able to move around, as evidenced by my mood when I get injured for long periods of time, yech. Movement makes me happy.
In spite of the ups and downs of late, there's so much that I can miss in worrying or trying to get things down. It sure helps when I slow down and take time to smell the flowers. Literally. I don't know what kinds they are but they're as tall as me and they smell pretty :)
It's 30-something degrees and tonight is ultimate, oof, that's gonna be interesting! Maybe we'll win or get the game done really quickly, that would be nice.
Later, 'gators.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Wee update
It's been a busy few weeks, despite making concerted efforts at slowing down time and taking advantage of a bit of free time. It's filled up quickly, that's for sure.
These last two months (or three or four) probably hold a record-breaking number of changes, such as deciding to take further study (and all the ramifications of that), trying to make career and job decisions (including multiple job interviews) and even changing around the furniture in my apartment. They all add up, and there are days that I embrace the change and days that I dig my heels in and cross my arms and pout (like today).
Sigh.
I'm doing a lot of that lately, it feels like.
After hitting what seems to be just one more dead end at the end of a really exciting path (which confuses me every time), I'm trying to reevaluate and also not read too much into things. Just because things don't turn out a certain way doesn't mean something isn't "meant to be." Sometimes, yes; however, I'm slowly learning that to get where you want to go, you have to really work at it. It's not something separate from faith or only about faith in the sense that everything is or isn't a sign from God, I just mean that in the general sense, even though I feel God is guiding me in general to make certain career decisions over others, a lot of this is plain hard work.
Maybe I can explain this better (aka in a less yawn-inducing way) through a story I read just the other day. In the midst of madly cleaning my apartment, I picked up a short kid's novel that I'd bought at a used bookstore, and read it cover to cover. It was a nice break :) It's called The Midwife's Apprentice, by Catherine Cushman, and is about a young girl in medieval England who starts out at the bottom of society in the village, and in the end gains the skills and confidence to take her place in the community. It struck me at the ending that you really have to fight for what's important to you if you ever want it to come true; this rings true for me on the career decision front.
On a brighter note, I'm looking forward to seeing my family for a few days in August and going to a friend's wedding- that's my big holiday for the summer :) Anyone else have any vacation plans coming up?
These last two months (or three or four) probably hold a record-breaking number of changes, such as deciding to take further study (and all the ramifications of that), trying to make career and job decisions (including multiple job interviews) and even changing around the furniture in my apartment. They all add up, and there are days that I embrace the change and days that I dig my heels in and cross my arms and pout (like today).
Sigh.
I'm doing a lot of that lately, it feels like.
After hitting what seems to be just one more dead end at the end of a really exciting path (which confuses me every time), I'm trying to reevaluate and also not read too much into things. Just because things don't turn out a certain way doesn't mean something isn't "meant to be." Sometimes, yes; however, I'm slowly learning that to get where you want to go, you have to really work at it. It's not something separate from faith or only about faith in the sense that everything is or isn't a sign from God, I just mean that in the general sense, even though I feel God is guiding me in general to make certain career decisions over others, a lot of this is plain hard work.
Maybe I can explain this better (aka in a less yawn-inducing way) through a story I read just the other day. In the midst of madly cleaning my apartment, I picked up a short kid's novel that I'd bought at a used bookstore, and read it cover to cover. It was a nice break :) It's called The Midwife's Apprentice, by Catherine Cushman, and is about a young girl in medieval England who starts out at the bottom of society in the village, and in the end gains the skills and confidence to take her place in the community. It struck me at the ending that you really have to fight for what's important to you if you ever want it to come true; this rings true for me on the career decision front.
On a brighter note, I'm looking forward to seeing my family for a few days in August and going to a friend's wedding- that's my big holiday for the summer :) Anyone else have any vacation plans coming up?
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