There's a lot on my mind lately. It's a good thing, though. I'm trying to make time a bit more regularly to process things - decisions, daily life, weighty issues. Basically, I turn into a bit of a stress-ball if I don't devote some time to processing (typical introvert right here, haha), and I don't usually do that only on my blog, but it is part of this process.
I've been thinking about starting a different blog, or changing the direction of this one...I'm not sure yet. I feel I should write more topically (although you'd think I do enough of that in school), but mainly I just need to write non-school material more often. Unfortunately, in my blog I tend to ramble on (yes, I know it's an understatement!) so I'm thinking about ways to be more concise, I promise.
I do want to take a moment to reflect on some thoughts from tonight. After our small church-like supper gathering, a few of us headed to a church across town which was highlighting a partnership with two different churches comprising of homeless people and those that volunteer among them (Sanctuary London and Sanctuary Toronto). I had heard the main speaker before at an event a few years ago, and was glad to hear him again. If you get a chance to hear Greg Paul speak, go. He is a man of wisdom and speaks with humility, which is rather a gift if you ask me.
As he spoke from his experiences, I couldn't help but be struck by an image, or a sort of analogy of the evening. Earlier on, a few participants read poems they had written, many of them touching on the concept of home, of community. These personal stories were tremendously touching, especially finding out a bit of background about the speakers. There's something about the spoken word, embellished or not, that is so meaningful when expressed from personal experience, don't you think? I wish you could have been there for that part.
The analogy that came to mind was that of a gift. Imagine you have been given a present unexpectedly by someone. How do you respond? Do you enjoy the gift but not return anything to that person? Do you respond in kind out of obligation? Of course, there are cultural aspects to this question; typically you might feel like you should return a gift of equivalent value to that person at the next appropriate occasion, such as a birthday. I know there are different customs surrounding this.
However, the idea sticks with me, this thought that I've just been given a gift -by the poetry read aloud by these brave individuals, by their stories, by their inviting us to share in their experiences, by their trust. I didn't ask for this gift. In many ways, it would be easier for me to see this as a performance, or a movie maybe, where your participation is limited, much less expected. In this case, though, I don't feel like I can just go happily home and say, what a nice service, how lovely that there are good people that work with the homeless and truly get involved. A few different circumstances are culminating in something - something is afoot, and this experience is part of it.
At first glance, I feel propelled to getting involved. What can I do, where should I go, what could I make for this endeavour? But I already have a problem of getting involved in too much, and this is where I need a priority shift. Is life about filling your schedule with school, sports, some social events (all good things) and maybe volunteer with something you could feel good about if you have leftover time? I'm becoming more convinced that it isn't, but my schedule doesn't match up to my convictions at the moment.
So now I have this gift. I am truly appreciative of it (even though I didn't really expect or ask for it) and feel I must respond somehow. To not respond is to stay in my cocoon, safe and warm, and not allow the transformation to occur. To respond is frightening, maybe even paralyzing - but look at the guts it took to get up in front of all the church people and share a poem from a personal, guarded place.
Right now I'm humbled. It's a good thing. It may take some time to understand where I fit in this puzzle, but I don't think it has to necessarily be an 'aha' moment. I just need to get out there, and get over myself.
One key thought from tonight was the difference between house and home, and how so many people don't have a home, but that home doesn't have to be the physical space of the people you live with, either. I realized how blessed I am to have had a home and to still have a home among the people I love and who love me. This is no mere thing, and it certainly gives me pause today. It's remarkable to have that. No wonder people find such identity in the concept of home, and yearn for it. Having had that, I can only imagine what a lack of it can do to someone.
I have so much yet to learn. So much to listen for, and listen to. Let people have the voice they might not get to use much. Everyone should be given a voice and allowed to use it. How often do I take this basic thing for granted?
It's about response, for me, I think. Respecting and seeking to participate in community with the marginalized. Learn from them. Chip away at the barriers I have put up in this area. (Eeks.) In fact, do away with 'them' and 'me/us' terminology; that would be a start.
I lack the eloquence of Greg Paul, but I think something is happening to my carefully constructed bubble, this shell of personal space that I value terribly, to be honest. Something is afoot, and it surely won't be simple or easy, but already I am being changed, a little here, a little there.
Thanks for bearing with me. I'd love to hear if anyone else is thinking along these lines, or having certain themes recurring curiously in their lives that could mean something maybe.
Have a lovely week, friends! :)
