A response to a gift

There's a lot on my mind lately. It's a good thing, though. I'm trying to make time a bit more regularly to process things - decisions, daily life, weighty issues. Basically, I turn into a bit of a stress-ball if I don't devote some time to processing (typical introvert right here, haha), and I don't usually do that only on my blog, but it is part of this process.

I've been thinking about starting a different blog, or changing the direction of this one...I'm not sure yet. I feel I should write more topically (although you'd think I do enough of that in school), but mainly I just need to write non-school material more often. Unfortunately, in my blog I tend to ramble on (yes, I know it's an understatement!) so I'm thinking about ways to be more concise, I promise.

I do want to take a moment to reflect on some thoughts from tonight. After our small church-like supper gathering, a few of us headed to a church across town which was highlighting a partnership with two different churches comprising of homeless people and those that volunteer among them (Sanctuary London and Sanctuary Toronto). I had heard the main speaker before at an event a few years ago, and was glad to hear him again. If you get a chance to hear Greg Paul speak, go. He is a man of wisdom and speaks with humility, which is rather a gift if you ask me.

As he spoke from his experiences, I couldn't help but be struck by an image, or a sort of analogy of the evening. Earlier on, a few participants read poems they had written, many of them touching on the concept of home, of community. These personal stories were tremendously touching, especially finding out a bit of background about the speakers. There's something about the spoken word, embellished or not, that is so meaningful when expressed from personal experience, don't you think? I wish you could have been there for that part.

The analogy that came to mind was that of a gift. Imagine you have been given a present unexpectedly by someone. How do you respond? Do you enjoy the gift but not return anything to that person? Do you respond in kind out of obligation? Of course, there are cultural aspects to this question; typically you might feel like you should return a gift of equivalent value to that person at the next appropriate occasion, such as a birthday. I know there are different customs surrounding this.

However, the idea sticks with me, this thought that I've just been given a gift -by the poetry read aloud by these brave individuals, by their stories, by their inviting us to share in their experiences, by their trust. I didn't ask for this gift. In many ways, it would be easier for me to see this as a performance, or a movie maybe, where your participation is limited, much less expected. In this case, though, I don't feel like I can just go happily home and say, what a nice service, how lovely that there are good people that work with the homeless and truly get involved. A few different circumstances are culminating in something - something is afoot, and this experience is part of it.

At first glance, I feel propelled to getting involved. What can I do, where should I go, what could I make for this endeavour? But I already have a problem of getting involved in too much, and this is where I need a priority shift. Is life about filling your schedule with school, sports, some social events (all good things) and maybe volunteer with something you could feel good about if you have leftover time? I'm becoming more convinced that it isn't, but my schedule doesn't match up to my convictions at the moment.

So now I have this gift. I am truly appreciative of it (even though I didn't really expect or ask for it) and feel I must respond somehow. To not respond is to stay in my cocoon, safe and warm, and not allow the transformation to occur. To respond is frightening, maybe even paralyzing - but look at the guts it took to get up in front of all the church people and share a poem from a personal, guarded place.

Right now I'm humbled. It's a good thing. It may take some time to understand where I fit in this puzzle, but I don't think it has to necessarily be an 'aha' moment. I just need to get out there, and get over myself.

One key thought from tonight was the difference between house and home, and how so many people don't have a home, but that home doesn't have to be the physical space of the people you live with, either. I realized how blessed I am to have had a home and to still have a home among the people I love and who love me. This is no mere thing, and it certainly gives me pause today. It's remarkable to have that. No wonder people find such identity in the concept of home, and yearn for it. Having had that, I can only imagine what a lack of it can do to someone.

I have so much yet to learn. So much to listen for, and listen to. Let people have the voice they might not get to use much. Everyone should be given a voice and allowed to use it. How often do I take this basic thing for granted? 

It's about response, for me, I think. Respecting and seeking to participate in community with the marginalized. Learn from them. Chip away at the barriers I have put up in this area. (Eeks.) In fact, do away with 'them' and 'me/us' terminology; that would be a start.

I lack the eloquence of Greg Paul, but I think something is happening to my carefully constructed bubble, this shell of personal space that I value terribly, to be honest. Something is afoot, and it surely won't be simple or easy, but already I am being changed, a little here, a little there.

Thanks for bearing with me. I'd love to hear if anyone else is thinking along these lines, or having certain themes recurring curiously in their lives that could mean something maybe.

Have a lovely week, friends! :)

Giving Thanks

I have so much to be thankful for, and I so often forget to take a moment, breathe, and be thankful for the good. It might be past Thanksgiving, but in the theme of catching up on blogging, I feel compelled to go there still. :)

These days, I'm thankful for this fellow:

My handsome honey

 That's the face that surprised me at the airport when I arrived. I was supposed to take the shuttle into Halifax from the airport, but he'd gotten a ride to the airport and met me there. I was so happy that I blurted out eloquently (while giving him a giant hug), "What are you doing here?!" (Yes. I'm not known for my elegant phrasing.) It was pretty incredible to see him there, and then we got to take the shuttle back together. *Sigh*

I'm also thankful for delicious lattes with hearts or pretty leaf designs in them. :) Not to mention the giant pain au chocolat with the first latte pictured...yum. Yup, I sure am thankful for visits with a certain someone. Even though I feel like the long-distance aspect is getting to me these days, I still am really thankful for him.

Seeing the fall colours from the airplane was breathtaking- both in Montreal and Ottawa. Even though I didn't make it to my beloved Ottawa Valley to see the colours that at Thanksgiving are always more beautiful than you can imagine, getting to glimpse them from the plane was pretty terrific.

French. It seems like now, in three out of four courses, I am using French, and also in both my part-time jobs. Well, one's in English, but I have a French coworker and the food is French, so we go back and forth between the two quite a bit, which is pretty great. It's such a beautiful language and I'm loving getting to study it further.

School. What a gift and a treasure to be able to study and learn. What a privilege that we take for granted. With all this in the news about Malala Yousufzai, I am inspired by her outspoken bravery and saddened once more by the inequality that exists in our world when it comes to having access to information. One more reason to become a librarian, right?...

Family. I miss them like mad and haven't seen most of them since June, and am not sure when I'll see them next. It's that whole thing about each decision necessitating a lesser number of options than before...I mean, when you choose one thing it automatically limits your consequent options. I don't quite know how to say that. But it's something I think of when I miss my family, the fact that I chose to live here, not that close to them, is good in some ways but means I will be less close with family members and that is something you can't quite get back, missing the years when your siblings are in elementary school, high school. My conscience does jab at me for that one. All told, I love them and wish I were closer and yet the distance helps me appreciate them more, in certain ways. That said, I'm thankful to have my brother here and my sister nearby. They're pretty great, those sibs, that fambly. ;)

Music. I sure do like listening to the CBC, that there classical music. ;) Plus the other kinds...it truly does enrich life, don't you think?

Well. Clearly, I could go on (and on and on...) but for now I think I will sign off.

Now, if only I can keep remembering to be thankful...always more difficult when you're going through stuff you aren't thrilled with...but that doesn't mean that what you cherish is any less valuable, right? If anything, maybe you cherish it/them more. Hm.

Have a splendid week, blogging friends! I wish you a beautiful, warm, and cozy autumn. :)

xo

A summer, in photos

I promised I would post photos of the summer, so here they are.

 Peggy's Cove in May when Nathan's parents were visiting (and I was, too) :)

 More Peggy's Cove. What a sweet town.

 One of my favourite parts of the trip. We went to the Swissair flight memorial, Peggy's Cove, Mahone Bay and Lunenburg all in one day, with a stop in Chester. This was in Mahone Bay, and I got to go in and look around. Dream job material, right here!

A light supper we had one evening, Nathan and I. Delicious!

This was in...somewhere...Point Pleasant Park, I think.

We made a stop in Wolfville to the Just Us fair trade coffee roaster, Tangled Garden herb garden, and home to Acadia University- beautiful!

This is the place whose name I can never remember. I want to say Barry's Bay but I think that's near Ottawa. ;) (Nathan??)

This was called Evangeline Bay, I believe. I just really like this photo from behind of Nathan and his mom and dad at the Bay of Fundy. We found some pretty sweet rocks here.

My dear friend Lisa was visiting for a couple days from Israel and I got to visit with her while her husband was at the university.

My new birthday haircut I treated myself to. Magazine photo-shoot-ready, naturally. ;)

In July, I got to meet Nathan's brother and sister-in-law, and we went to Peggy's Cove again. (Can you tell they are brothers??) :) I took the train to Halifax and back and had a delightful trip.

Lunenburg, second time. We were here at a decent hour when things were open, which was a bit more relaxing. A period drama was being filmed while we were there, complete with 50s automobiles- pretty fun. Lunenburg was special to visit, as my parents went there for their first anniversary and ever since I knew that, I've been wanting to check it out. It's home to the Bluenose II (under restoration when we were there).

The Annapolis Valley, from a high-up lookout

This was on a hike the four of us took at a place whose name I regrettably forget. It was beautiful, though!

It was the Tall Ships festival in Halifax, and I got this photo of Renee and Jake in front of a ship. It was so great hanging out with them for the week.

As part of the festival, Parks Canada had a booth (for 1812 stuff) where they did airbrushing tattoos (you could choose from four from that time period). We all four got them. This, I learned, is called a compass rose. Isn't it pretty?

This is in London when Nathan came to visit in August. We were celebrating our one-year dating anniversary and this is the day Nathan left to go back. :( We went to Stratford and saw two plays in one day, which was magnificent.

So there you have it, the summer in a nutshell.

More to come...

"Why ain't it always summer? Why must it end?"

Oh, Anne musical that I saw a bajillion years ago in elementary school. Why must you be so quote-able for back to school? Maybe it's time I got some new references....

Contentment.

Perhaps that's a strange topic to start out the school year with, but it's been on my mind.

Tomorrow is my first day of school, the first class I will have on an actual campus since transferring to university despite already being partway through third year! The last class I took was at PRBI; even the courses I did towards the ECE were online.

Suffice it to say I am a ball of nerves! I'm excited and a bit apprehensive because I'll be taking 19th century French literature here at the university, and two more courses online through Waterloo still. I've been telling people I feel a bit conflicted going to two universities at once, particularly as I'm pretty sure they're rival schools. ;) I guess I'll just have to stay away from football games!

Now I am getting to the good part of school. Despite feeling old already just from the few times I've had to go to campus, there is a certain energy about being there that is contagious. I've been wondering what clubs and sports I could get involved in - maybe join some sort of ensemble, or play intramural sports, or go on a trip or, or...there are too many options. However, I've had to admit to myself that many people are there because they've left home and now live at/near the university and they can get involved in whatever they like because school is their job and all that. Oh yes, and they're also a good ten years younger than me and I can't do everything, in spite of all my efforts!

Already I'm signed up for ball hockey and most likely at least one soccer team. I need to find an second part-time job a few hours a week on top of that, and need to especially make sure to do well in school as these marks will count in grad school applications.

This is why moving to Waterloo for this term would've been easier in some ways- certainly my social calendar would be a lot freer, although it is important to me to stay active throughout the colder months and have that outlet as well.

Ho-hum, how I do ramble! Back to what I was saying at first- I think it will be important for me to remain content this year at school. I am filled with gratitude at being able to study what I enjoy, be involved in the lives of families and friends that I am close with (which is above all a blessing and an honour for me) and although I haven't been running much, to be able to be active and not really injured right now.

However, being on campus provides lots of opportunity to compare myself to others, and that can get unhealthy fast. Let's be honest, it's not usually a comparison that flatters the beholder or the beholden, am I right? If I know myself, I have to stay focused on what is important and not let myself get discouraged over external appearance or appearances of success. Does that make sense to anyone else?

Next post I will put up some photos from the last several months...they are long overdue!

Happy school year to you students, and to you non-students, all the best with work and fall routines!

Thanks for reading!~

Remember me?...Hi, my name is Sarah and I've been slacking on this blog. (Hi, Sarah.)

Hello, friends!

Well, I have woefully been neglecting this space in the inter-web, to say the least. I did have the excuse of school, but as of six days ago, I'm done exams and don't start the next term for a couple of weeks.

Sheesh. What was I thinking, doing a summer semester, and online, at that? :/ I'm still waiting for exam marks, but I sincerely hope they will justify this madness.

That's the main excuse I have for shirking on this whole blogging business. A little weak, perhaps? Admittedly so. Once again, I have been crowding all sorts of things in my week, and when I'm in the midst of busy times, I wonder how it came to this, yet again.

In this time off, I am hoping to:
-work like a madwoman (okay, at least a few more hours in a week than I've had. Which means finding another job on top of what I have.)
-take time to write
-make my apartment pretty (or at least prettier- not difficult, I'm afraid)
-maybe run a 5k race next Friday after having trained very little
-take in a play
-have a picnic on some kind of lawn somewhere
-spend more time out of doors than I have been doing of late

Wow. That list seems incredibly self-absorbed. I'd better think of other things to add to that.

I'm not sure how to sum up the last few months. There's been more than one mid-degree crisis (as in, what the heck was I thinking; and/or, what will this even get me in the end- oh, right, probably nothing- goodie). In fact, in recent days, while studying for exams, I discovered that the MA I am desperately dreaming to get into, and actively pursuing, will probably not get me an actual job but will require me to get more education in order to do what I'd like to end up doing. Bravo, Sarah. Seriously, what a bummer.

It's that whole question of whether to study something in order to get a good job, or study something you really love and hope a job comes out of it. I'm just impractical enough to pounce on the latter and hang on for dear life but just practical enough to worry and curse myself out for the decision, heheh. Sounds promising, doesn't it.

So. I just came home from a pretty sweet annual event called Poetry Under the Stars (second year running). We were hoping to catch some of the Perseid meteor shower, but alas, it was not to be, as rain got the better of us, and after the first round of poems, we retired to the indoors for the second round. Basically, a couple involved in the poetry scene in this town had a bunch of poetry folks and neighbours/friends hang out in their yard with lawn chairs, snacks, and beverages. I was one of two participants under forty or so, but it was fine because I've always enjoyed mingling with people of all ages and in a way it's less intimidating to read your poetry in front of older people, somehow- at least, for me. (For the record, it's the first time I've read anything of mine at a podium in front of other people. Scary much? I'll say. But I got some positive feedback- huzzah.)

Everyone who wanted to ended up reading two poems, myself included. I think it was helpful to get the tone and rhythm of reading aloud. Usually I read stories to young children and it's rather a different sort of reading! I'm excited to hone this aspect of poetry and learn more about it.

Anyway. What I wanted to say about the evening is that I'm inspired by everyone having a different take on things, a different way of expressing themselves. Varied topics, styles, you name it. I love letting the words and images wash over me and taking it all in; I can't quite explain it the way I'd like, but it was encouraging for me to be among a number of more experienced poets and have them tell me they liked my train image or what I said about nature in the other poem. It's pretty incredible. I wouldn't say it goes to my head, as I know I've a lot to learn and my stuff is often trite at best, but what a neat-o experience. (Haha. I've been wanting to drop that ol' expression into a sentence for a while.) ;)

Okey-doke. I guess it's bedtime out here.

More to come. I will make sure it's more interesting next time, not to worry. ;) Merci d'avoir patienté! :)

Guten Tag! (practicing my German, *cough cough*)

Part 1

Wow, have I really not posted since February? Pah, this schoolwork.

In my absence, though, I have taken a bit of a step back, trying to reevaluate and see what direction I should take with this blog. Newsy updates? Topical posts? I'm not really sure. It's a good outlet for me, although I'm not convinced it's making me a better writer, but it still serves a purpose. However, a blog that I've been very taken with recently has made me think. Maybe I should be saying more useful things. I don't know.

Maybe I'll put in a little plug here: http://www.myideaofhappiness.blogspot.com. Check it out!

When I read it, I think, "Wow, great ideas! What can I offer along those lines? Hm, I'm not a mom, although I like to dispense mom advice from time to time (not really, I just enjoy discussing kid stuff with parents of kids I take care of), and I'm in a mom's group, sort-of...it's hard to explain, heheh. ;) I don't have much of a corner on the eco-market; many people have done extensive research of their own and shared tips that I benefit from, but I don't feel like I know enough about one thing to be able to blog about it. Or teach a class in it.

There. I admitted it. *Sigh.* I'm not sure where this expectation of myself comes from. I mean, it's not like people walk around asking you if you have weaving skills and if you could teach a class, right? But I think I would like be more crafty (well, more than not-at-all surely can't be hard, right?)...or better with plants or learn how to make poultices and stuff - isn't poultice a great word?

That's not really what I was going to write about, but it's been simmering in the back of my mind behind soccer and training and travel and work and, oh right, school.

Okay, part 2.

I seem to be having a lot of bad dreams lately. Not nightmares like when I was a kid, of the house being on fire, but still disturbing. Does anyone else have this? I feel like I'm a fairly calm person but my dreams are sure agitated. I think it's genetic, but it's kind of odd. I often have dreams of people trying to kill me or chase after me, or dreams where I have to drive lots or take the bus. Sometimes it's unsettling, these action-movie sequences out of the blue. I feel I shouldn't read too much into these in terms of dream meanings and such, haha, but I haven't watched TV in I don't know how long or any scary movies that I can think of. Maybe my brain just isn't stimulated enough by school. (Yeah, right. I'm taking one German, one French grammar course, and a linguistics course in English. Can we say masochist.)

Anyhow, I think I will go take up a cool craft or a cool instrument like the lute. Or perhaps I should start small, like actually paint the empty canvases I've had for more months than I care to admit, and make it pretty in this apartment.

With that, I'm off. I'll attempt to be more coherent next time, my dear and several (maybe) readers.

Adieu, mes chèr(e)s ami(e)s! :)

How to humour yourself through childcare (or Why I keep getting the impression I have sweet skills)

* Disclaimer: If reading about stuff that kids do bores you, skip this entry. Plus it's about other people's kids...even better, right. ;) * haha

So. I haven't posted in a while, because I'm in school and that keeps me busy/insane/hermit-like/pick an adjective. Heheh. Besides school, mostly what I do is look after kids and spend time with friends who have...wait for it...kids as well. It's a good thing I don't mind the little rotters. Hahaha, just kidding, I really wanted to use that word in here somewhere. I felt like throwing in a good Roald Dahl word. Hope you enjoyed that one. ;) Tee hee.

I have come to the realization (or epiphany, if you prefer) that working with kids is starting to give me a complex, of the I'm-the-coolest-person-ever sort. I have decided this is due to two factors: a) I'm not a mom myself and therefore am not plagued with the insecurities that come with that role, like am I messing up my child for life with everything I do or don't do (which I hear can exist for parents and boy does that sound fun), and b) it's just me and the kids for the most part, so when I can come up with cool crafts and stuff to do it makes me feel remarkable and clever and I have the urge to congratulate myself out loud because I'm amazing. Mainly because I can do things that a four-year-old can't. You can see how this can be a little bit misleading situation.

What this translates into is my craftiness (pun slightly intended) when working with the kids. Once a week I watch two girls from one family and one from another, all together, which means I have a baby, a toddler and a preschooler. Fun times, I assure you- particularly when it became quite clear that no two of the three are really interested in the same sorts of activities for very long.

However, because I have been working with kids since I was one myself, and because I like to have as much fun as possible with the kids and help them discover cool things and also impart what I like to think is knowledge from a vast store of random information (my odd sort of brain), this often means that I inflict some sort of craft idea on the kids. (Not really - don't be alarmed.) Don't worry - I let the kids do whatever creative sort of thing they like when it comes to crafts, but sometimes I throw in a few ideas of my own, most of which, admittedly, stem from my own craft-laden childhood. I can still vividly remember an apple-seed craft me and my brother did with my mom when I was about five, probably because after that my mom didn't have a ton of time to do crafts with us. It was so cool and involved some sort of mobile and apple cut-outs or something.

Anyways. I digress (again). A few weeks ago, I decided that it was about time we made some paper airplanes around here. So that's what we made, from the large book of construction paper and some paper-clips. It was a lot of fun, and of course we repeated it the following week. (I didn't say I was always original. Anyways, kids like repetition, right?)

Yesterday, though, I reached a new height of coolness (in my mind, at least). After some half-hearted colouring and a couple of stickers, the girls seemed bored (although I can't be sure why, since for me, stickers were oh-so-entertaining till an embarrassing age, no doubt), other measures needed to be taken.

The brain-wave: origami frogs. The kind that jump. I think we (okay, I) made about ten over the course of the day, grace à youtube- first the normal kind, then the kind with separate back legs, which worked much better. I had a blast (and I think the kids enjoyed it too). We had them leaping off the table, jumping onto stuff- it was heaps of fun.

Hm. Okay, that was a little anti-climatic, I admit it. However, I just wanted to make the point that I am still capable of doing cool crafts (phewph, haven't lost the touch), albeit easy ones that everyone has done at some doing. Still, you can't go wrong with paper crafts that move.

With all that, though, it can be exhausting taking care of other people's children, no matter how wonderful they may be. You always end up wanting to do things your way and can't always have that liberty in other people's houses. Not that I want to open up my own daycare. That's a whole other ball-game and a huge commitment. I suppose all this is good experience; by now it's coming out my ears, I have to say. But that's okay.

Well, back to the books for me. It's been a fun/rabbit-trailey study break.

Nos vemos, mi amigos y amigas! Ciao! :)