One more thing...

Okay, I know I just posted, but do you ever have those times when you are working through something and there don't seem to be any clear answers or validation? And then you remember, oh, right, maybe I could pray about this instead of fretting over it...so you do, and it doesn't solve the problem but you have the sense that this small thing could go a long way in your day because you took a second to have a right approach?

I don't know if that makes any sense, but it's indicative of my day. And you know how sometimes you need to have a certain focus before a thing makes sense?

It's funny...or maybe it isn't...how my worrying accomplished pretty much nothing, and now that I resigned myself to trust in this one area, the words of a friend or a situation at work actually confirm that trust. Hmm. Why do I think that God is so small?

It's staggering how big God is. I know that sounds simplistic, but I guess I need things to be broken down simply sometimes. I'm okay with that. It's quite a thought.

Wishing you a lovely day!~

Oops, I've been slacking...what can I say, homework happens!

Sorry for the long delay. I've been a lot busier than anticipated and I'm still ferreting out various plans for the new year. (I'm not sure that word works in the sentence, I just really wanted to use 'ferreting.') ;)

I'm so glad to have made it through mid-terms. With some very well-timed encouragement, no less. :) Granted, I only had two, but one of them stressed me out to no end, and I went to bed late for several nights. Even though I haven't gotten my marks back, I'm trying to focus on doing my best and not beating myself up about it if I don't understand something.

I think that's been the trickiest part of going back to school. In high school, I gravitated towards subjects that I understood and thought I could do well in, even though I made myself take math all the way through to OAC and took courses like chemistry even though my parents tried to encourage me in other disciplines. (It's possible they realized I wouldn't thrive in that course the way my brother had.) ;) Even though my group of friends was seriously smart at every subject (I mean, come on, chemistry and English and French...oh, and Art too??), I was decidedly more one-sided. All to say that it was good for me to take maths and sciences, but that I'd sort of forgotten what it was like to really be out of my depths. And I do not care for that feeling.

This psych course has the tendency to do me in from time to time, as I'm sure my friends can attest to, since I've been going on ad nauseum about it. (Sorry! :{ ) It's not so much the discipline- I took Psych 101 and found it fairly interesting- but this particular course gives me no small difficulty in simply grasping the concepts. It's a bit of a wake-up call for me: first, because I'm not magically going to be good at every course and that's okay; and second, because I maybe need to grow up and make an effort even if something doesn't interest me. Admittedly, I don't have the best work ethic when it comes to assignments, so I need to be more disciplined and plan my time better. These sorts of hurdles are conveniently forgotten when one finishes school and doesn't go back for over four years...

Okay, if you haven't fallen asleep out of sheer boredom by now, thanks for persisting. ;)

Something else that has been woven through the last few weeks are encounters with some pretty great people. The people in my church-sort-of-group are truly terrific and they teach me so much about building into each other's lives. I was housesitting for a week or so in a house that was on the market so there were showings from time to time, at which point I'd go spend time at another family's house. I got to know their kids better, and the parents are around my age; it was great to just hang out and get to know each other better. I hope to drop by more often and help them out.

Another time, I visited another friend (who also has kids - I guess I'm in that demographic now, yikes! ;) ) and she asked me all kinds of questions about being from a large family which a few years ago I would have balked at, but now, to my own surprise, could discuss at length without rancour or too much awkwardness. It's funny how time and distance will do that...and yet it's that same distance that I kind of regret, being far from my parents and not seeing my brothers when they're growing up so quickly. It's just one of those ongoing sort of things where I try to visit a few times a year at least and keep in touch.

Anyways, that's all to say that I'm more and more struck with the fact that at the end of the day, it's people that matter. To quote from The Rag Coat  by Lauren Mills, "People only need people, and nothing else. Don't you forget it." Well, I think that we are this way because of an inherent need for community fabricated into us by God, but it's been resonating with me, this concept. Whatever happens in life, however things turn out with school or work or any type of relationship- if I'm not connected with others and if we're not part of each other's lives in ways that matter, what are we really left with?

It's the people that matter.

Now, if I can only go about the 'quotidien' with that priority...

Que sera sera....???

Life can be pretty turbulent, can't it? Just when I think I have things figured out, just a few things even, something changes or tips or leans way over, and I have to take stock and figure out what it all means.

I just don't enjoy curve balls.

This isn't meant to sound all dramatic or anything, it's just that it shouldn't be a surprise to me at this point, how changeable life is. Really, that's one constant we can be sure of, right? That living involves a lot of change, voluntary or not?

Basically, I'm now faced with some work/school choices again that I'm not sure I'm ready for. I was kind of heading in this direction but now I'm getting a pretty significant push that way, and it's out of my control. What this means is that I've been advised my current work situation is not sustainable and that I have some decisions to make for the new year. It's good that I have some time, but it's too easy for me to just throw up my hands and say that it's such an interruption and how troublesome...but perhaps it will turn out to be a blessing in disguise. I'm pretty thankful to have been able to work part-time while studying full-time, but as of January there will be no part-time and my role becomes automatically full-time. If my focus for the next few years is school, I don't know how that will look for my work situation. As appealing as the thought is, I can't stop working altogether as moving home is not an option at this point :{ so we'll see how it all plays out.

I'm really tempted to run away into the forest somewhere and live a monastic life making cheese and chocolate- still an excellent backup plan, in my opinion:) Or maybe I should run off to sea. That sounds like fun. Like in the Tim books by Edward Ardizzone - anyone???

Don't worry, I'll post something more cheerful next time but today it's all about being pensive and introspective ;) Thanks for sticking with me!

Mixed feelings about geese

For some reason, I am thinking of geese. Every time I see them in their v-formation and hear them honking all the way to wherever they fly to, I am sad to see them go because it signals that winter is approaching in all its dudgeon. Okay, it's beautiful too, but hopefully a long ways off still.

However, I'm not going to miss the goose poop that's all over the bike paths. Plus, those are some cheeky birds and they do not get out of the way for a charging bicycle let alone a lone runner, so in that way they're kind of pesky birds.

However, the Canada goose is a fond image for me, probably from seeing so many of those Benjamin Chee Chee prints in dentists' offices and such. I think this one is one of the most well-known- does anyone know of these outside of Ontario? I gather they're pretty famous.

On an unrelated note, I just found out that I've been calling Canada Geese "ouaouaron" which in fact is the word for a type of bullfrog. Losing...grip...on reality... heheh. The funny part is I have most definitely propogated this falsehood to at least one other person and now they're dispatched into the world with a wrong idea, *gasp*. It shouldn't come as a huge surprise if you are acquainted with my family and our tendency to get words wrong in both official languages, but I clung to this for so long, sniff. ;)

As I was contemplating geese for no reason in particular, I was reminded of the song by Arlo Guthrie that my dad had on a record called "Me and My Goose." I can remember sitting scooched right up to those big old speakers in the living room, soaking in the song. I won't say it's why I'm a vegetarian ;) but it was such a sad/funny song and I don't think my dad has that record anymore. I youtubed it the other day and it wasn't quite the same (isn't that always how it happens with childhood memories?) but still good. Poor Al, and poor kid that was his friend, heheh. Along that vein, there was also that book that was also a song that we read in grade two about foxes stealing the chickens and bringing them back to their den, for some reason I was so traumatized about that. Did anyone else ever read that in school?

So ends my rant/ramble about all things (well, some things) geese.

Have a great day! :)

I can't get enough of fall flavours ~

Last night, I found some chai I bought with my friend Jenny in Dundas last year, so I had a large cup of it. Then another. And it's even tastier than I remembered. I couldn't stop smelling the tea in the little bag - what is it about chai that smells like Christmas? Yet somehow it smacks of fall- curling up under a woollen blanket with some tea, a good read, and maybe something sweet to nibble on.

Reading this lovely lady's blog makes me want to write about crafty stuff, or food, or beautiful things. I just like how she writes. I haven't dabbled much in any sort of handiwork recently but hope to start soon. Really, I guess I'm trying to say I may post a lot in the next while because I love fall. And fall makes me want to bake. And read. And write poetry (heheh). And sometimes cry a little, just because.

Right now, at work, I'm indulging in a little decadence. Each morning I heat up some milk on the stove, hurriedly make some coffee in my French press (with espresso too, the last few days), and throw a dash of hazelnut syrup in my thermos. Yes, I haul around too much stuff in my backpack to and from work, but the thermos is a necessity. That's my cheater version of a latte - much cheaper than buying every day, I assure you!

To go with this, I've got a pumpkin chocolate chip muffin from the batch I made for book club on Sunday. They're super easy to make, and a lot of fun, and baking for me isn't complete without a smidgen of wine as I go and some singing. (My apologies to my roommate, heheh.) Yep, it's a tough life, hazelnut café au lait (that's more what it is) and a pumpkin muffin, wrapping up the quintessential spices of autumn. I'm going to need to get another job if I want to keep up all this baking and whatnot ;)

I'll leave you with a photo from my marathon post. It's a little early - the leaves certainly aren't this colour yet, and I'm upset because a ton of maples in my city seem to be succumbing to a horrible disease, so here's a leaf I spied on the sidewalk a few years ago. Just a little teaser until we really get the fall colours:) I'll be sure to snap some photos at that time.

A Monday post

I'm really doubting the wisdom of writing anything on a Monday. Normally I don't like my behaviour to be confined by a day of the week, like "so what if it's Monday, I don't have to be grumpy, I'll act how I please," but today it has hit me with full force.

Last night was a bit later than I would have liked but it was a good evening. After procrastinating and not getting a lick of homework done (oops!)...this right after I made my brother not visit me till he had done his...what a good sister, right...I whipped up some pumpkin chocolate chip muffins for book club then headed downtown with my friend Sarah B. We joined some other friends for a free outdoor show as part of Car-Free Festival, Olenka & the Autumn Lovers. I've seen them perform several times and it's always delightful; this time was no exception.

There was one funny incident while we were standing there watching - this one guy off to the side kept staring at me and offering to throw out my coffee cup, he was cracked out I guess you could say (I'm sure that's not PC but I'm not sure how else to say it) and my friend Rebecca whispered to me, "I didn't realize you were meeting your boyfriend down here," and I replied, "I didn't know either." It was pretty amusing.

After that, we headed to the one girl's house for book club, where there were plenty of snacks - fresh pesto on baguette!- laughter, conversation and wine, not to mention good company. It was a good evening- how could it not be? :)

Afterwards, my roommate biked next to me and our friend who were walking. By the time we got home it was pretty late and I had to wait up for my brother to text me to say he made it home after his concert that he went to. I passed out just after midnight with my phone next to me and he made it home okay (oops!) but I was pretty exhausted.

After a windy ride to work (you lie, Environment Canada, that was far windier than 13 km/hr), I got here with windburned eyeballs and had to change lickety-split with two minutes to spare, only to realize I was supposed to come in an hour earlier today. Yup. It's one of those days.

Tonight I hopefully get to talk on Skype (my first time! heheh) with my friend Megan who's in Calgary. I haven't spoken with her since the end of August so that will be good to catch up. Tomorrow I have a staff meeting for the French project staff with the daycare after my regular work day, so it will be long, but oh well. This month is getting crazy already...although I suppose if I didn't insist on cramming so much into my social calendar, it would be a little less hectic...However, as excited as I am to be a student again, I'm determined not to let homework rule my life. We'll see how that plays out ;)

Well, that's about all I have to say for now. Hopefully I can come up with something a little more engaging next time.

Adios!

J'ai trouvée la paix profonde...

Philippians 4:6-7
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."



This verse just came to mind and it's pretty timely. This morning, I feel like I have a lot to worry about- not that I'm overly anxious about where I'm at, it's just I'm overtired and things seem like more of a big deal. That and the fact that I'm prone to worrying over something in an attempt to solve it, which isn't the most helpful tactic, I've found. It doesn't stop at "don't worry," it keeps going about peace! Aaah! :)

It doesn't help that I haven't been sleeping well. Maybe I'm more apprehensive about school than I thought. I'm sure it will pass. Because really- it's my first week of school and I'm excited! :) Wheee! Now I just have to prioritize and organize and actually plan my time if I want to get good marks.

Looking back, a year ago was so different for me. I didn't really know what to do for a career path, my sister was moving and there was a lot of difficulty surrounding that for me, and I was more or less listless, I guess you could say. Maybe that's just looking back, in hindsight, but after a few years of having little clue what to do in life or what school to do to get there, it was kind of discouraging.

Now, one year later, I'm going back to school (for real this time), I'm part of a pretty amazing community here, and I've gained a lot of clarity in friendships and such. It's such a blessing. Yes, this last year has been fraught with a lot of ups and downs, and I just wanted to give up a lot of times, but it seems worth it now. I can look forward, fueled by first-day jitters and some pretty great folk, and keep learning how to give in community after doing so much receiving recently.

Thanks to you, too, my blogger friends, for checking in, for being there across the miles. I pray that this year will be enriching for you as well.

Don't be afraid to look at where you've come from - you can learn so much about where you're going.

(That was a little bit corny, I just made it up on the spot. But I'm gonna keep it there anyway.) ;)

Have a fantastic day!