Lately I've been thinking a lot about what my blog is trying to say. I have been challenged, in reading other blogs, to find a theme or goal with these ramblings. As of yet, I have not found one, but it's in process.

So I've been thinking quite a bit about what I have been saying all this time. The trouble is, it's the things I'm not saying that keep poking to the surface. Things like how I miss my friends out west from school so much and wish I had made more of an effort to stay a part of their lives, and to keep them in my life. How some days, regret threatens to swallow up whatever else I think I'm accomplishing. How I fear throwing myself really some creative venture because what if there is nothing there, my mind is empty and my hands won't follow through. Oh, and let's not forget that I feel like I have been slogging through and waiting for my life to start when really there's a life to be lived and somewhat it seems like I'm missing the point most of the time.

Life. Isn't that something everyone struggles with, or maybe some of us- that we miss out on our own life in waiting for the pieces to fall into place. We turn into spectators of the unrolling of our own story, without even knowing how it happened.

Sure, by all appearances, I keep myself busy enough, involved with this or that, many good pursuits, some of which will help me answer some of the questions I ask myself about the major decisions. But some days, it all feels like a bit of a joke that I'm not getting.

I'm not totally certain why I have this compulsion to share this with the few readers I've told about this blog. I know I've said that before. Is it the idea or hope that what I have to say matters? Some insatiable need for self-disclosure? That someone does read what I write, so that if I get published one day in some capacity, I'll have that validation? I suppose that is one of those ongoing questions that is more for my own contemplation than for your reading pleasure, but there- I've gone and blurred the lines again.

So thank you for bearing with me as I wrest something out of these questions.