I'm baaack in the blogosphere!

Okay, I wasn't gone that long, I know:) I just felt like making a scene there.

I've been pondering what sort of meaningful words to write, since I usually ramble quite a lot, but a reasonable stream of thought seems to be escaping me still. My theory is that I've been living more fully the last while and that, for some reason, makes it more difficult to just write, particularly when it comes to my manuscript (if I can even call it that, I keep chopping it up abysmally). Does that make any sense? I hope it won't last too long, but there you have it.

In the last year or two, I wrote a lot- poetry, journalling, whatever- because I really needed that outlet and way of expressing myself, even if no one would ever see it. To be honest, the last year and a half or so have been somewhat miserable, and I can't trace this to one particular thing except for the throes of growing up, I suppose. Figuring myself out and all that. Learning to stand up for myself in the workplace, understanding what's important to me and why. As I write that, I feel like I'm still fifteen and I don't particularly care to go back there, but that feeling of continually growing into something and striving in life hangs over me from time to time.

In other ways, it's been a reevaluating of relationships- family and friends. With this, I've experienced some loss- friends and family moving away or simply being less present in my life and I in theirs. Not a fan of change particularly, I grappled with this and had to come to terms with the inevitability of these sort of events. I mean, it's going to keep happening, and wallowing about it solves nothing. Plus I don't like to let myself wallow for very long.

So. This wasn't meant to be one of those self-reflecting *yawn* posts. It's just that the last few weeks and even months have caused me to reevaluate, and appreciate more greatly the wonderful people that are in my life. Visiting home and seeing some really dear friends has done wonders for my spirit, although family time is never too quiet:) Recent events have been showing me that I am so blessed and wouldn't wish my life to be anything other than what it is, right now. How often can I say that in all honesty? Sure, I'm generally an optimist, but as finite humans don't we always want other circumstances and realities?

It's a sudden surprise to find myself truly happy. My heart is full, and I can't stop thanking God for the story He's writing and weaving me into. Yes, there's pain in life and I'm never great at confronting it, but in this season I am so thankful, and I wanted to say that in this blog. Like anything, I think that in some questions being addressed, more questions are raised, but that doesn't seem so threatening right now for some reason. Mind you, I haven't started courses yet this year (harhar), so maybe check in later! Really, though, I think the hard lessons I've been learning certainly have been deepening my faith, somehow, and equipping me for what I was to experience, although little did I suspect. I do hear of that happening but, as of late, couldn't really trace it in my own life. Until now.


Joy. It's not something I intend to take for granted.