Hope

Right now, at this moment, I'm filled with hope. It's inexplicable, as far as I can see. I'm short on sleep, nothing especially exciting is going on at work, and I'm at a loss of what to do in many areas of my life. And yet, right now, I can't help but be hopeful.

Hope that people can change, that their lives will be transformed by Jesus. Hope for the broken, the depressed, the lost and the adrift. Hope that life is not in vain, and that ultimately, it's good that wins. Hope that whatever is my purpose on this here earth, someone will be better off for it.

This hope- it's mixed with anticipation. Like the feeling of waiting for a letter in the mail from someone you love and that you know loves you. Like the assurance that your friends will be there for you no matter what. Like the awakening that is spring after a chilling winter.

Why is it that waiting is so often discouraging rather than exciting? When longing crosses over into that state where you think you just can't go on unless certain things come into place? I wish it were more often an attitude of hopefulness. I guess that's why it's a choice, like love- the feeling itself is fleeting. Aye, there's the rub, isn't it...

Life is a struggle, isn't it? A struggle against the easy route, to choose what you know is the best even if you're so tired you don't think you can choose it every time. A fight to find the balance between being in control and giving up control. Some days I feel like a small child, others like an old person.

It's funny how we're constantly learning about ourselves. I hear, from people much older than me, that this never stops. For instance, I am learning that some people can go through life without having to dig too deeply through the upper crust; they cope without getting too twisted up in the big questions or the what-ifs. On my part, I don't do well to stuff down my inquisitive side. I need to ask those questions, even when it hurts, and even though I don't know why I'm needing to ask them, half the time. It's not even that I get answers necessarily. It's the asking that's important for some reason. Hmm. No wonder I drove my parents batty as a child!

Phew, self-examination/self-awareness is tiring! A la prochaine, mes amis!

Oh Monday

Hello everyone! Whoever reads this these days!

I don't actually have too much to say, but that hasn't stopped me yet, haha!

It doesn't really feel like I had much of a weekend, since I've been working 7 days in a row the last two weeks, and still this one coming up- yikes! Oh well, I still enjoy my "fun" job most times. Sometimes I feel a little incompetent and klutzy but I still get 'er done, usually without too much mishap. Yesterday I knocked a teacup right off an empty table with my elbow, and it fell to the floor, but wasn't even cracked or anything. Phew! I'm still getting the hang of carrying more than one plate in one hand, as my hands aren't that large, but when I'm able, it's a pretty sweet skill! It's not like I have numchuk or bow hunting or computer hacking skills, but I'd say it's a close second, hehe.

On Saturday I went for a run after work, since I haven't been too active lately and I'm going to the beach (fingers crossed) on Friday. Me and two girls from work booked the day off, I can't wait. I'm sure one run isn't going to make me look better in a bathing suit, but one can hope! Anyway, somehow I pulled an ab muscle - I don't know how - and didn't help by being stubborn to push through it...I had a stitch and was determined to run through it but I felt like my lungs were seizing, so, probably a bad idea.

On Sunday in my soccer game, I got an elbow to the nose which really hurt, but it didn't bleed, which was good. I was on the field the whole last half because we had to move some forwards to mid and I was about to collapse. After that I did some situps while listening to "Jai Ho" (the one with the Pussycat Dolls) and kept doing a few in the commercial breaks of Heartland. I really like that show for some reason. I don't usually love the Pussycat Dolls but I like this song. Did anyone else love Slumdog Millionnaire? What a movie, eh?

This week, I'm babysitting for my Belgian family for the last time; they're leaving in a few days
:( I'm so sad, I love those kids. I've gotten so attached again. Oh well, it has been great to get to know them a bit.

This weekend, I only did a few things I had planned. I was thinking of going to a housewarming party but didn't go, and I wanted to drop in at a show my friend's band was putting on, but I was hanging out with my friend Grace and didn't end up making it. Hopefully I'll have the chance to go to other shows, and I'm sure I will see these people around other London events. I guess that's how it goes- you can't do everything you plan for. (In my case, it's good to remember that!) Do you ever feel like there's not enough time in the day to fit in what you enjoy? It's funny how easy it is to let slide what would really invigorate us for the less pleasant tasks sometimes.

Well, those are my thoughts for the moment. Have a good one!

Un poème

Awhile ago, I mentioned I had been puttering around with some writing- a short story here, a poem there. Usually I'm extremely reticent to share any of these works because I just haven't written or shared much that I'm comfortable with- most are works in progress still.

However, today, hyped up on a Grande Americano Misto with White Mocha, I've decided to be brash and post my French poem. I figure this is safe because I can' hear the laughter this way... just kidding!

Envahi
De sentiments d’incertitude
Que faire de ça
Quand tout le monde s’en va?

Et quand la mer est grise et verte et bleue
Cachant de tel secrets dans sa profondeur
Le ciel, de ses nuages légers, paraît toucher la mer
L’horizon est étiré, si loin, impossible de s’y rendre

La lumière du soleil, si lisse et chaleureuse
Vient recouvrir le visage un instant
Pénétrant nos âmes de sa douceur
Et fondre, peu à peu, nos soucis secrets

Voilà, nous pouvons nous reposer
S’étendre sur la plage rocheuse
Nos os fortifié, voilà la paix
Enfin


Well, that's that! I hope you like it.
Have a great day!

After a photo hiatus...

I have really enjoyed taking a look at other people's blogs lately, and not so much paying attention to mine:) Now that I finally have a few photos, though, I'm much more prone to post.

Liz's birthday was two days ago, and we went to a quaint spaghetti house filled with random things like old bicycles, photos of Charlie Chaplin, and old tins and things. The menus were old record covers which was a fun touch. The poor girl has 5 night shifts in a row with a daytime shift at her other job somewhere in there, so it's going to be a rough few days, but at least she got her birthday off as a friend offered to switch with her. I got her a cupholder for coffee which goes on her bicycle...yup, she's a quirky one, that girl! Happy Birthday, Liz :)

The big 2-4

Liz and I

I was bored the other day and wanting to take photos of something- anything! :) - and the weather conditions were less than ideal, so I contented myself with self-portraits. Don't hate:P

In other news, Liz and I ran a 5k in Toronto on Sunday, a new all-women race, and both did quite well with respectable times. I was still coming off an injury and hadn't run much in a few months, and Liz had come down with a cold, but that doesn't stop her. I came 3rd in my age group (which, for the record, never happens) and Liz was first in hers. She was 5th to cross the finish line and I was 11th, and for not competing in a 5k since high school, I consider that a good day's work:) Liz was disappointed in herself but I'm happy for both of us. Here's to next year, same time, same place!

Isn't it remarkable the different creative outlets that people find for themselves? I am always pleasantly surprised when I stumble across other people's art or expressions. Through a link of a link on my friend's blog, I have discovered a blog which is mainly artwork from someone who is, in my mind, a brilliant artist. He draws buildings and scenes that he sees, and puts them on his blog, or photos he's taken. It's like drawing in a huge breath of clean, flower-hued air for me to glimpse snatches of people's art, especially when I'm at work, in an office pretty much devoid of shapes and colour to catch the eye :)

Anyway, I don't know that blogger but following the thread of artwork he posts has inspired me to dabble in my own once again. This mostly consists of doodling on partially printed-on paper at my desk at work, but I'm saving up for a proper sketchbook. I have a couple that are mostly used up but I can't be inspired if I'm looking at those old, lousy scribbles. It sounds wasteful, and I will use up the remaining pages, but for now I need a new, tidy sketchbook, to give me that little push. That being said, I have unused canvas boards at home that I've yet to touch... so I suppose it's somewhat of a double standard, but that's the plan.

The urge to draw always brings me to the urge to write, and I'm contemplating saving up for a laptop so I can type my stories/poems. Now, just the thought of making this concrete step towards some form of publication grips me with something akin to terror and cold sweats. How will I know if I could ever write a book if I don't actually commit some time to the effort? Besides, it's so much slower to write by hand. However, I figure since I will need to save up, it won't be an impulse buy. The other thing, though, is that I swore I'd only buy a laptop or computer when I go back to school, and the whole career/school debate is completely up in the air right now. I may be throwing out the baby with the bathwater but it's still at the idea stage.

It's funny how not running makes me need to do other things; if I'm not pouring myself onto the road, I'd better whip up a drawing or bake some concoction or find some other release. My uncle, who is a great businessman, also has a talent for the most detailed creations out of macramé that you can imagine. I find this co-existence delightful, especially since I'm so one-sided in my interests.

Well, here I am, rambling again. If any of you have managed to get this far, congrats! And thanks for reading!

Ciao for now, meine freunde!